According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, validation means the following: to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of

With that in mind, the let’s delve further into this topic of validation. We hear alot these days about how we need to validate ourselves, and that’s a good thing. It means we’re growing, becoming more self-actualized, not relying on anyone else’s opinion of us! This is how we find true freedom. Of course we do the things, like take a refresher course or interview an expert, to give us the chops to offer legitimate support, too.

But what about the times others criticize us, when we’ve offered our best, and it gets us down? I remember once, after I played a piano piece I’d written for my friend’s wedding, a woman I didn’t know came up to me afterward and said in a snarky tone, “But are you classically trained?” I guess she’d seen my satisfaction since I’d played the piece beautifully. It’s like she wanted to swoop in and wash away the sense of accomplishment I’d felt.

And you know what? It worked. Her comment slid right under my skin because, no, I’m not classically trained. As if that’s a prerequisite for writing and performing a piece of music beautifully at a friend’s wedding! I’d co-written many songs prior to that, but this woman’s comment made me feel my performance had been subpar. Mission accomplished: she’d made herself feel better and me worse.

From a young age we develop how we feel and think about what we have to offer. Depending on a plethora of factors, we either decide we can give our gifts to the world or we can’t. It’s amazing how many ways the mind tries to focus on the negatives, the reasons why we’re not good enough, rather than on the things we want. But this is something we can and must work on so we can live true to what we want to put out there.

It’s a no-brainer! We’re born with certain things we love to do, things we’re drawn to, and this is what we’ll benefit from most when we allow ourselves freedom to pursue it! Cherry on top, this is what the world will benefit most from, too!

Other people’s ideas of perfection don’t matter; let it be something that holds them back, not you. It’s unfortunate we have those who stand on the sidelines criticizing others, but it’s only because they’re not allowing themselves the freedom and building bravery to express themselves. They’re not validating others or themselves. And anyone who is expressing themselves, yet sits back on their laurels and criticizes others, is deluded by their sense of self-importance.

Let’s do ourselves and the world a favor, and offer our gifts. I’ll write future posts on how to unearth our gifts and use them. Today’s resource is focused on self-validation basics.

This article does a good job in relaying what healthy validation is and how to give it to ourselves.

In our world of social media, I’ve thought a lot on this topic of validation. Before I post anything, I run it through my validation meter: is this something I enjoy sharing with others or am I need approval after posting it? Of course we all want “likes” on our posts, but if it’s going to affect how I feel about myself one way or the other, depending on the number of “likes” I get, I don’t post it.

Basically validating ourselves is treating ourselves like we would our favorite friend. According to the article, “Self-validation is a skill that takes practice. It won’t be easy at first.”

Wow! That alone should make anyone feel validated! Who knew self-validation is a skill we need to practice?! That means the norm for us is to go negative with ourselves rather than focus on our positive aspects.

The article tells us the four steps to validating ourselves are as follows:

1. Notice how you feel and what you need.

Example: I feel angry. I need time alone.

2. Accept your feelings and needs without judgment.

Example: Its okay to feel angry. Anyone would feel angry in this situation. Taking time alone will help me sort out my feelings. That’s a good thing.

3. Don’t over-identify with your feelings. We want to accept our feelings and also remember that they don’t define us. Notice the subtle, but important, difference when you say I feel angry vs. I am angry or I feel jealous vs. I am jealous. Our feelings are temporary, they come and go.

4. Remember, practice is an important part of learning self-validation!

The article goes on to give us examples of self-validation and tips for giving it to ourselves. Click here to read the article! I believe it all starts here: validating ourselves. When we can master this skill, we’ll have more streamlined success with giving others the best of ourselves.

Never Miss a Post!

Sign up and never miss another post from