he’s just not that into u

he’s just not that into u

Most of us have heard of the book He’s Just Not That Into You, and to this day, I can hear Oprah talking about it on her show. Sometimes there comes a time in your relationship where you take stock of it… why you’re hurt, why you’re upset, and you realize he or she is… “just not that into you.”

It’s not like you never felt it before— you have; it’s just that you never truly let go. Or maybe you did but you somehow picked it up again thinking it would be different the next time, or you tried to be friends but it backfired again because you ended up wanting more, which he wasn’t giving, hence the reason you were friends instead of lovers in the first place.

There’s peace in releasing the dream. In fact, there’s relief. Because after spending months and years wishing and wanting, there comes a time when you give it up. Let it go. And it washes out in the tide, back into the vast ocean of experience. And you sit on the wet sand watching the waves crash, but you are no longer pulled in and under by them.

You say to yourself, as you watch the waves tumble but not pull you in, “Oh yes, I remember, just moments ago I was someone who allowed this other person to set me aside, to not make me a priority in his life over and over; that was me just yesterday or maybe just hours ago; but that is no longer me today or in this moment.”

Today I stand up for myself and claim the love in my life that is deserved. I reject the notion that just because I want to be a priority, I’m a needy, demanding princess.

And wherever this crazy road leads us, at least when we reach the end, whether we are apart or together, I will hold my head up, knowing I didn’t chase you. I gave us space— lots of space after learning you do not love me the same.

Breakups bring a host of emotions, including grief. A big part of that grief comes from the loss of what you thought your life would look like. I know that was true for me… I’d pictured a life of freelancing with my former love, working in coffee shops, traveling, being our own bosses… and what we ended up with was a lack of money, criticizing each other, and unmet expectations. Ugh.

According to the article, “…there’s no age minimum or limit when it comes to how much a split can hurt, whether it was a six-week fling or a six-year relationship.” 

The article also alludes to breaking up becoming easier with more life experience. People come to realize everything is temporary, including the difficult emotions brought on by a break up. The writer gives us seven main tips to help us through our heartache.

1. Keep Taking Care of Yourself 

To summarize the this subhead: exercise often, sleep well, eat a healthy diet, and maintain positive social connections.

2. Write a Letter to Your Ex

Even if you don’t send it (most don’t) it’s therapeutic to let it out.

3. Surround Yourself With People You Love 

Say yes to invitations to catch up over coffee or hang out on the couch.

4. Expect Healing to Take Time 

 Recovering doesn’t always happen linearly.

5. Feel the Feelings

I know I’ve dealt with this one quite a bit— allowing myself to feel whatever comes up. If that means journaling, hiking it out, talking to a friend or therapist… accept the feelings… accept… but then also move through them to something more productive, something that will bring you joy.

6. Do Something Kind for Someone Else

Volunteering is a great way to get out of our heads as long as we’re continuing to be real with emotions and our healing process.

7. Seek Professional Help

I love my therapist. It’s helpful just to have someone to talk to about the same old things that may come up or entirely new subject matter. Either way, she’s there to listen and help, not judge.

In the article, the writer covers additional helpful bits of advice under each bullet point above. You may enjoy my personal input, but licensed professionals weigh in, so please take a minute to read what they have to say, too.

Click here to read the article.