I’m fascinated by space and, in particular, black holes. When I started working with a therapist, and I talked about my relationship with my ex-love, the visual that came to mind for my therapist was a black hole. I’ve mentioned this in another post but wanted to check in on this topic again today, quite some time later after my ex-love and I have stopped speaking, and say that, yes, much like how a black hole can eventually shrink down to nothing and pop away, so can a toxic relationship, once you finally get the hell out of it. Don’t get me wrong— I love this person and always will, but the ways he viewed me influenced the ways he interacted with me and it did not help me thrive. In other words, by my estimation, he was treating me badly.

Okay, so the estimated amount of time it can take for a black hole to shrink down to nothing is an incredibly slow process. Thankfully, once we finally cut off our energy from someone who is not contributing to the relationship, it doesn’t take as long for a human connection to dissolve.

After we broke up and remained friends, I was the one expending much more energy to build the relationship while he constantly withheld energy. I see now I was wanting things to change, and that kept me in the gravitational pull of our toxicity.

My advice? Give up on change and set yourself free! You’ll find that, once you cut the cord, the pull you felt a week ago will lesson… keep going and eventually you’ll find yourself in a fresh new mental state! He used to bring that up, too, how he felt so much freer after breaking up, and, like an idiot, I just listened to that instead of saying, hey buddy, you’re contributing to how I still feel sucked into a shitty hole, it’s not just about how I was affecting you. But since he couldn’t change how he interacted with me, (basically by just being more considerate in general), I had to change my life and cut the cord.

Maybe one day we’ll be friends again, maybe not. But whatever the future holds, at least we will have finally allowed the black hole to dissolve. The future is bright and free. 



We’re talking science today! I love the black hole visual because it’s so incredibly powerful and ominous, yet learning that even a black hole can dissolve is, for me, enlightening. According to the article, “a good size black hole— say, a few times more massive than the sun— will take about 10^100 years to eventually evaporate through this process, known as Hawking Radiation.”

What is Hawking Radiation? Well, I’m glad you asked! This article explains that back in the 1970s, astrophysicist Stephen Hawking discovered through an interaction between the boundary of a black hole — known as the event horizon — and the quantum fields that make up reality, black holes can slowly evaporate.

“So they’re not entirely black,” the author tells us. “They do give off a little bit of energy, which causes them to lose mass. It’s not much since a typical black hole will emit only one particle every year, but it’s not nothing. Over time they shrink down to nothing and simply pop away in a flash of energy.”

Do it today, cut the cord in your toxic relationship, and begin to feel stronger, tuned into who you know you are, not to how someone is treating you shitty… 


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